Supernatural: Part of The Family
by shattered-dean
Summary: You're a part of the story and staying with the brothers when Sam finds out one of you biggest secrets. **Trigger Warning: This story is circled around self-hate and harm. I'm sorry if this triggers anyone.**
1. He Knows

"Dude, you didn't see what I saw."

"I seriously doubt that's what they are. Besides, she's not one to do something like that."

"Dean, think about this. How long have we known her? Two, three months, tops. We know all the basics, but-"

"But we don't need to go searching through what she's doing behind closed doors, Sammy."

"Dean, I-"

"Look, if you think it's...that, then why don't you just go and talk to her?"

"You don't get it, man.."

Sam stopped. He just shook his head and walked towards the hallway to their rooms.

Dean sat at the table, drinking his beer, and looking over his computer, searching for a case that was more interesting than the run of the mile type of monster hunt.

He couldn't help but turn over what Sammy had said in his head. He quickly decided against it and went back to searching through town and city papers.

You put your back against the wall, and sighed. You heard the conversion, but wasn't surprised. You knew Sam had seen. Added to all the questions he had asked the first month you'd been here, you knew it was about time for something bigger to happen.

You stand there for a long time, back aching, but you don't move, as you listen to Dean's typing from down the hall, and Sam showering in the bathroom next door.

You remember when you first met the boys, how they quickly knew you were a hunter and were all alone.

They found you in small town outside of Arkansas, trapped in a vampire nest. Two vampires were okay, but four was a problem. Until they showed up and saved you.

Afterwards, they were going to part ways, but when they offered a ride, and you had nowhere to go, they had been kind enough to allow you to stay in their home.

Well, not a home. The Men of Letter's "lair" as you called it. It was nice all the same.

More, you remember you and Sam's first night alone. Dean had gone into town, and you and Sam spent the night talking. Everything was fine until he asked about your arms.

"I don't mean to be rude. But...are they from a hunt or another hunter or..?"

"Oh, those. Yeah, just hunting. Nothing big. I fall sometimes, they fade quickly."

Sam nodded his head and took a drink of his beer.

You look down at the book you had been reading. Nothing monster or hunting related. Your own book. You carry a few special books with you. It was a story of girl, lost and on her own after running away.

"_Close enough," _You had thought when you bought it at a little gas station in Dallas.

You look up to see Sam staring at you and smile. He smiles back and you ask a few questions about himself and Dean, but he seems distracted.

After an hour or so, you excused yourself to bed but you could feel him looking at you as you left.

You knew he expected it, and now he had caught you in it.

Caught you sinking a razor blade into your wrist.

It wasn't the worst you had ever done, just a few red lines on your top wrist. You hadn't even heard the door open. But it was too late when you heard a footstep and looked up. All you saw was the back of his head as he turned away from the door.

You had quickly covered the cuts, thrown the razor back in the special place you hid it, and put on a long sleeve. When you went to the main room, he wouldn't even look at you. That was two days ago.

You hear the water shut off and Sam step out into the hallway and into his room. Knowing the "lair" seemed to run strictly on hot water, you decide you should take a shower also.

You open a drawer (Dean had suggested you un pack and basically move in; this was as close to home as they would ever get, he had told her, Sam rolling his eyes in the background.) and grabbed the one thing you needed. You stare at it for a second, then think maybe running into Dean or Sam in the hallways with blood dripping down your arm might cause some problems.

You grab a towel, and walk next door. You put in a little stereo in the bathroom for your iPod when you first arrived, which Dean loved.

But not at first. He hated the idea of you blasting music every time you took your famous hour showers but changed his mind when he heard your music choices.

Rock always makes things better.


	2. He Wants To Talk About It

You head into the shower, still thinking about the blade sitting in your drawer, Sam and Dean talking about you, and the burn coming from your cuts due to the hot water.

You look at them. Your wrist heals faster than the rest of your arm, because of so much harm you had done to it over the years. Your thighs, covered in scars as well, even your right shoulder. A tear drops, you can feel it past the water from the shower.

You stand there for a while, wondering what you were going to do about this, whether you should talk to Sam about it, or just pretend it never happened.

You finally step out of the shower, still not completely sure, wrap yourself in a towel, and step out into the hallway to find your door standing wide open.

Sam is standing by your drawer and Dean is leaning against the wall, his face in his hand, covering his eyes. Sam's face is full of sadness and what you see as pity.

You grip the towel around you, and look back and forth between them.

"Er, hey guys. Um, can I have a minute?"

Dean finally looks up and you can tell he's upset. You move back, and Sam moves forward.

"Don't run, it's okay. We're not mad at you."

Dean looks over at Sam, and he nods his head. Dean sighs, stands up, and walks past you.

Sam walks towards you, puts a hand on your shoulder, then leaves.

You look around, then quickly shut the door. You push yourself into putting on fresh clothes, finally bee lining for your drawer, The box is gone, which means so are all your razors. You grab your hair with both hands and almost start crying when-

"Don't cry, I'm not mad."

You look up at Sam. You drop your hands and look at his. He's holding the box in his hands, turning it over and over. You stare at it, and then into his eyes, locking your jaw line.

"Give them back. Now"

Sam sighs, shaking his head. He seems so calm for dealing with this whole thing.

"You know I cant do that. Please, can we just...talk about this."

He looks at you with those eyes, that sad look that works no matter what. You sigh and it feels like you lose your balance as you sit on the bed, burying your face in your hands.

"How mad is Dean?"

"He's not mad. He just didn't want to believe that..."

"Believe what?"

Sam doesn't answer, and you can dimly hear the radio you left running in the bathroom.

You're suddenly angry. _Who is he to judge me,_ you think. _As if he doesn't have a problem either. Drinking 24/7 is just as bad. _You jump off the bed and spin to face Sam.

"What, that I'm some freak that cuts to feel alive because I have nothing else to live for!"

Sam looks at you, shock on his face.

"What, no, not at all. We just.." He looks away and down.

"We've just lost so many people and can't stand to lose another." He looks at his hands, then you.

You don't care about the sad, puppy dog look on his face. If you don't stay mad, then you'll cry even more.

Then you're screaming at Sam, tears falling like waterfalls.

"I told you both when I met you, that I had no one! No one! My mom is dead, my dad is dead, my brother is dead! It doesn't even matter that I killed the bitch that did it- it still hurts. And yeah, I know. You've felt the same, been through worst. But I'm not as strong as you or Dean! I never will be! I'm pathetic and weak."

You collapse on the cold floor and Sam rushes over and picks you up. He puts you on the bed and you bury your head into the pillow, pouring out tears. Sam sits by you on the bed and you hear Dean walk through the door.

You crawl into a ball and you feel their eyes on you. You stay like that for at least a half hour, as you fade into a tear soaked sleep.


	3. He Promised

"But what do we do?"

"We do what we do best."

"We're not gonna kill her, Sammy."

"No, I mean save her. Talk to her. Take care of her. Dean, she doesn't have anyone else. You know that. We're all she has. We need to treat her like...family."

You wake up in the middle of an intense conversion between the brothers and you sit up. You look around to see that one of them (most likely Sam) had moved you to a couch in the main room. They both look over, and Sam rushes to you.

"Are you hungry at all?"

"Not really. How long..."

"About 3 hours. Nothing major."

You shake your head. 3 hours could mean everything. You finally gain enough courage to look at Dean. His arms are crossed, and his face shows as much sadness as Sam's.

"Sooooo.." You press. They look at each other, and Dean walks towards you.

"So, we've decided that, well, since we're basically family now," He looked at Sam. "That we are going to try to help you as much as can."

You sigh and look down.

"You can't help me. This has been going on from over 4 years. I can't stop."

Sam puts an arm around you, and you stare into Deans eyes.

He looks back and then asks the question you haven't wanted to hear from either of them.

"Let me see them."

Your jaw line sharpens and you glare at him.

" Why would you want to?"

Dean uncrosses his arms, and walks towards you.

"To make sure theres not a lot of damage so we can try to figure out what to do next."

You look at Sam, whose eyes are filled with sadness. You look down at your hands. Sam put his on them.

"It's okay. I promise."

You look up at him and see him staring at you. You hold his gaze for a moment, then look down as you slowly rise up your sleeve. The bright red lines show up perfectly on your pale skin and you can feel the brothers eyes on your arm.

You look over at Sam. His eyes are on your arm, then you. You look at Dean. He's staring at the floor, and doesn't move. You look back to see Sam staring at your wrist again.

You quickly become more self-conscious than ever and cover your arm as fast as you can, and make way down the hallway to your room.

You slam the door and hear Sam and Dean pounding on the door.

Sam is yelling to let them in and you sink to the floor by the bed, crying your heart, wondering when everything will just stop.

The pounding does.

You catch your breath.

The door breaks down.

Sam and Dean walk in and Sam runs over.

"Hey, hey. Its okay. I told you it was gonna okay."

He looks up at Dean and he nods his head. He takes a last look at you, eyes full of what you see as pity, as he walks out the door.

Sam sits with you on the floor, and holds your arm. You look up at him, and he rubs your wrist.

"I promised you everything was going to be okay. And it will. Me and dean, we're going to take care of you. Make sure that this," He raises your arm a little. "Doesn't have to happen again. Because you have us now."

A few tears fall out of your eyes as you lean against Sam, and he slips his arm around you, resting his cheek on the top of your head., letting the silence surround the room.


End file.
